I have never heard of Pinecraft, FL but apparently it’s filled with Amish snowbirds 1/4 of the year?

Nardwuar, potentially the weirdest media fixture in existence, has somehow been profiled by GQ in what must be a seminal moment for weird people everywhere.

The Board of the now-shuttered Coconut Grove Playhouse racked up 4 million in debt then promptly disappeared, leaving the property in a state of limbo and the County unable to spend $20 million it has earmarked for its renovation. Now a concerned group of residents is protesting that they “Give It Back” on Monday April 2nd.

Jimbo Luznar has penned a message to Mayor Regalado offering to vacate his iconic Miami landmark. Thus begins the end of an era.

Feminism aside and all,“Thanks to Spanx” is enough of headline to be worth sharing.

The Lorax speaks for the SUVs.

Paul Reubens reveals his failed plans for Pee-Wee Chow, undoubtedly the best idea for a cereal ever.

Comparing the revival of a dilapidated public use stadium to the conversion of blighted industrial areas seems a bit counter-intuitive to me, but apparently not to Robert Hammond, whose visit to The Miami Marine Stadium has people asking whether it can be
“next High Line phenom”.

Sincerest condolences to the family of Aaron Cohen who passed away after being the victim of a hit and run accident while bicycling on the Rickenbacker Causeway this week. A memorial ride is planned for tomorrow morning.

I’d like to take this opportunity to remind y’all that lest you think people in New York are all “progressive” or anything when it comes to cycling and transportation, the NYPD is having to own up to the fact that they basically let drivers get away with murder.

A very special Valentines Edition of Locals Only will be airing tonight on WVUM. It’ll be featuring Miami Love Stories and contain two minutes of my discussing marbles for some reason.

If you have a story you’d like to share, it’s probably not too late to email it to them at spokenword@wvum.org. Otherwise tune in tonight from 7 to 8 PM or stream it over at wvum.org!

So I quit the Boy Scouts after getting a lecture on the 10 Commandments and saying to myself “I’m the only one here who doesn’t smoke a ton of pot but I’m being chastised for saying ‘god dammit’?” This week marks the Scouts’ 102nd anniversary and Wired reprinted a really interesting article asking whether the Boy Scouts are still relevant. Religious (and potentially discriminatory viewpoints) aside, the values they promote are so backward that I can’t think of an organization more in need of a refresh.

Liz already spilled a ton of ink on these guys when they left Miami but they only crossed my radar just now. Point is: the title of Ice Cream’s new album is appropriate if not a little humble.

Via Waxy, a story about why one ten-year attendee is skipping SXSW this year. Considering the volume of boring newsfluff pouring out this year, I’m not in the least bit surprised.

“Yeah, if they take what I say seriously, they’ve got a real big problem.” Miss Piggy, a puppet, calls out Fox News as not being news, but the fact that she did so was not in fact news. In other non-news, my head hurts.

Former THL fave Chuck Klosterman turned a misinformed rant on an album into an incredibly stupid commentary on gender, prompting rebuttals all involving different varieties of the phrase “Old Man Yelling” to varying effect. However, Jen is the only one to connect the dots and realize that if Klosterman isn’t our generation’s Andy Rooney, he soon will be.

Does anyone actually think building a 5 story boat warehouse in the middle of Matheson Hammock is a good idea? Didn’t think so. Find out more and sign the petition here.

The best part about the SOPA blackouts? Watching people on Twitter flip the hell out.

Mid to late January is good for one thing only: waiting for February, which itself is only good for contemplating suicide. So here are some links to take your mind off the fact that you’re not being showered in gifts and egg nog at the present moment.

• Is it funny that I’m posting this on SOPA blackout day? I mean I think it’s funny that I’m posting this on SOPA blackout day. How to access Wikipedia on SOPA blackout day. Also: the R.I.A.A. is still staffed by total dicks (even when it isn’t SOPA blackout day).
• Fake product reviews are the glue that hold internet comedy together.
• Did not wearing a helmet save Gene Hackman’s life when he was hit by a car while cycling in Key West? Of course not, but assuming that helmets are the one-size-fits-all answer to bicycle safety only creates a false sense of security, argue the folks over at Lovely Bicycle.
• Between the Republican Primary catfights and football, there have been a lot of non-story stories going around. To that end: Tim Tebow exists, and people write godawful crap about him.
• Related, sort of not really: G.O.P.-Friendly Super PAC or Mary J. Blige Album?
• The Story of my Life, bro.
• Tax season is more or less upon us and yet again I seem to be the only person I know who actually does their own return. If you can add and you actually care about people, AARP is still accepting volunteer applications for their Tax-Aide program. I’ll be writing about my own experiences doing volunteer tax prep shortly.
• I’m going to go on record and say that the last Magnetic Fields albums was farcically disappointing. “Oh you people like goofy pop songs? Well here’s 30 minutes of overproduced chamber music. Hope you like harpsichords!” Anyway, people seem to have high hopes for the next album Love At The Bottom Of The Sea, the first single for which is streaming online now. It features guys in drag and is woefully short. Fun!
• In closing, someone needs to get Eddie Murphy and Dan Aykroyd on the phone.