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Are you and your partner homeward bound and hungry for the spotlight?

new jersey housewives

If you watched The Real Housewives of New Jersey, and you probably did, don’t lie, you were impressed by the absolute classlessness of the participants. How did Bravo get together such a fascinating crew of women??? I asked myself this many, many times as I watched tables fly. I thought, this is great television.

Lucky for us in Miami, the producers of that incredible display of tackiness are back, and they’re looking for people living in South Florida. The Real Housewives of Miami have already puckered their creepy alien lips for the small screen, so cougars, this isn’t for you. Sirens Media is casting for a new show. They’re looking for couples who have recently moved back in with their parents. Yes, it’s true, this is Miami, so most of you have never left your parents’ abode, but let’s say you did move out, met someone special, went broke, had some kids you need help raising, or just missed mom and dad. If you have a personality, send photos, videos, bios and why you’re so awesome that you need to be on TV to casting@sirensmedia.com.

Good luck!

 

Two Words: Chuck Woolery
Valentines Day Approacheth

To whet your appetites for our many impending Valentine’s posts, I present Chuck Woolery doing what he does best: making people uncomfortable in a pink, vaguely womb-like soundstage.

I mostly remember watching Love Connection on cable reruns between episodes of Press Your Luck whenever I stayed home sick. I learned nothing from it, like every other daytime television show that was not Golden Girls.

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Clickable

Remember when even Beavis and Butt-head had music videos on their show? Yeah. We remember, MTV, and we miss those days. You currently suck. Thank you, Stereogum, for compiling this list of Beavis and Butt-head talking Flaming Lips, Sonic Youth, Pavement, Radiohead, Kate Bush, PJ Harvey, Bjork, Beck, Danzig, and so forth. It rules.

by , posted Feb 3, 03:47 PM

Borscht Film Festival features Pitbull as Werner Herzog

Is this what you guys do down there all day? If so, I want in.

Edited by Lindsay Scoggins.

 

Jerry Seinfeld: the trailer for Jerry the Great

Thank you, BoingBoing for sharing and TRMUS1C for creating.

 

Clickable

Via Rich of FourFour’s Twitter: the best Christian Bale gif ever. Lick those lips, Bale. Lord, I love the Bale. All time favorite. All time.

by , posted Jan 16, 10:07 PM

HGTV is casting not boring people for "My First Sale" in South Florida

hgtv

I am obsessed with HGTV. I watch it almost all the time. Right now, while tweeting, IMing, blogging, and discussing intensely unimportant matters on the phone, “For Rent” is blaring in the background. The reasons I love watching this channel are many, but the real estate shows sort of fascinate me the most.

Since the housing market crashed, programming has become more creative. You can’t sell your house? Well, it’s because you have a dog cage and a changing table in your kitchen. N’DUH! No, no, it’s not because the umemployment rate is 9.3% and your house is worth a quarter what you paid for it five years ago, and yet you continue to have delusions that you’ll make a profit.

Obviously sales have become more challenging, but that makes these shows more interesting to watch. HGTV will soon be spotlighting Miami, where the housing crisis has hit hardest. Casting for the show “My First Sale” is beginning this month. If you are chosen, you’ll be guided through one of the more stressful of life’s experiences with a camera crew and some good advice. The thing is that just selling a house is a snoozer to watch, so they need people who won’t bore the crap out of someone like me. Entertain me, Miami! I know you can; you are some of the tackiest, most fun, loud, and ridiculous people on this planet. That is a complement (for the defensive).

You have to live within a 90-minute drive from downtown Miami and at the start of your sale. Single people, couples, and families can apply; just contact Cindy Baggish at 303-872-8566 or cbaggish@highnoontv.com. Casting will be complete by the beginning of February.

 

Burrito Sabanero from your favorite directors and the Borscht Film Festival

 

Dirty Boy! John Waters as Batman

john waters as batman

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Dirty Boy! John Waters in action

jp john waters

By JP Lemus

Check out his site Iluvthedick, which you’ll be reading more about next week.

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Dirty Boy! A perfect pair: Divine and John Waters

eddie divine small
by Eddie Lorie
and
venessa monokian small
Venessa Monokian
Check them out nice and big after the jump!

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Dirty Boy! The second date

john waters thl

By Mary Ellen Tracy

Long ago and far away, in 1972, I moved to Boston from a small coal mining town in Pennsylvania. My goal was to immerse myself in the arts. Beantown! The museums, concerts, Red Sox, even macrame classes… culture abounded!

At work, I met a guy who was an actual New England gentleman. We had a great first date: Symphony Hall to see Kris Kristofferson followed by a stroll to the old Pru Observation Deck to watch the city lights. We held hands all night. Very romantic. So far, so good.

When he asked me out on a second date to see an artsy movie at midnight. I was intrigued. I wore my paisley maxi-dress, appropriate for an offbeat evening. We drove to a (now demolished) theatre near Haymarket Square, not far from the hospital where we worked. Every seat was taken. My date had an excellent visual memory and began poking me with his elbow pointing out doctors and nurses we knew, who strangely enough avoided any eye contact. Being a goody-two-shoes, I sensed perhaps we weren’t “supposed” to be there. The movie was called Pink Flamingos. Could this be a porno flick involving birds?

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Dirty Boy! Rendering of John Waters

This image was submitted by Softball, a Jacksonville Florida native who attended the Lakeland Florida Conservatory for the Arts. He had no comment on the reason why his name is Softball. After some internet research, we found that he once played for a ladies minor softball league under the name Roseanne.

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Dirty Boy! Universal interconnectivity: I rode in an elevator with John Waters
What Does it All Mean?

John.Jason.Elevator.

Back in 2004, I interned at a women in entertainment organization in NYC, located in an anonymous low-rent building in midtown. One afternoon as I was awaiting closure of the elevator doors, running late, the “doorman” for the building thrust his arm through and held the elevator for an arriving passenger. This annoyed me severely. He then winked at me knowingly and five seconds later John Waters stepped in. My jaw likely dropped and my eyes widened in shocked recognition. I said nothing. The trip was over before I could process it, but I vividly remember clearing my throat and Mr. Waters braced himself, moving as far as possible to the opposite side of the box. Perhaps he thought I was going to ask him to sign my tampon and/or colostomy bag?

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Dirty Boy! Pink Flamingoes and your private tennis court

john waters thl

We had a definite plan that night. Several very close friends (nearly cult-like in that very specific Miami way of considering anyone outside of your grupito as critical threats, even in social settings), an entire house to ourselves (our friend Rob’s parents were out of town), a pre-set up jam space in the living room through which to release any aural/physical curiosities and enough LSD to make us all rather disjointed. The house was large enough that we could play through the night and hardly hear a peep on the outside if the doors were properly shut. It was a cool Spring night and the promise of a home-brewed freakfest was enough to make the Friday night buzz with anticipation.

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Dirty Boy! artwork inspired by John Waters: Rush

mike balbone john waters

Check out Mike’s Tumblr, Enoblab

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Dirty Boy! John Waters does The Simpsons

A year before Will and Grace debuted in 1998, The Simpsons ran an episode guest-starring John Waters called “Homer’s Phobia.” In retrospect, it’s amazing to think an episode about Bart becoming fruity was controversial or edgy in the late ‘90’s, but it was. Though over the last fifteen years we have witnessed a near-complete entertainment coup by our gay friends, this episode was pioneering enough to win an Emmy and an award from the folks at GLAAD.

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Dirty Boy! Make books cool!

john waters quote lolo

“We need to make books cool again. If you go home with someone and they don’t have books, don’t fuck them!”

Lolo owns and runs Sweat Records. Go there and buy something.

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