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Abel's 4,000 albums that matter: part fourteen


Part the fourteenth where our humble narrator and guide tries to posit certain tautologies concerning his interpretation of “classic” punk rock albums, excessively contrived “pieces of shit” albums “crammed down our throats” by that HIV-ridden whore of an era known collectively as “the early 90’s,” presents a number of excellent blues platters, reveals the truth behind the Buzzcocks’ continued successes, ends on a somewhat not-so-positive positive African note and sails into the oblivion of his clearly pathetic and lonely life in total defiance of the English Language and her Grammars and Spellings. Boasting more “mistakes” by the digital foot than any other website in the world, we soldier on! [This last statement has not been approved and/or endorsed by the high sheriffs of The Heat Lightning and related digital enterprises, AF] Touch!

326. THE MINUTEMENDOUBLE NICKELS ON THE DIME. Ahh… it only took three hundred odd albums to get to this, but how fucking awesome is this disc? Incredible. Flawless. And unfortunately, out of its forty-odd tracks, you only know the first five seconds of “Corona.” Or like a kid once asked, “ain’t that the Jackass theme song?” Indeed. So fucking good. All of it. Five cents deposit!

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Art Basel Miami Beach: Misael Soto on a very big towel

misael soto

It was kind of windy yesterday, but that didn’t stop Misael Soto from executing his plan to lay out on a huge towel he constructed. The purpose of going out to 6th Street on Miami Beach was to bring strangers together to lounge around with him on the sand.

Misael’s work is playful, fun, and speaks about community and friends. He got about twenty people to commit to chatting with him and becoming new buds on the big blue towel, while others just sat around on it. According to Soto he wanted to, in a public arena “break the barrier of how people set aside their own space.” When folks go to the beach, the towel is their real estate for the day. He said, “I wanted to subvert that with a big ass one that is for everybody. It’s everybody’s beach towel.” He’ll probably be on 17th Street again on Sunday.

Look how big it is!


M.B. Evans reunion: guitarist and singer Roger Rimada talks about kicking a dead old fucker


As you already know, we at THL are excited about Drown, tonight’s show at General Practice. Our friends of M.B. Evans will be performing there together for the first time since the summer of 2000. Guitarist and vocalist Roger Rimada of former Ecstatic Peace noise band Monotract, THL contributor, and old (literally old) friend, conversed with us about this band of his youth.

The super old school Miami group has joined forces again this Art Basel to perform songs they wrote in the nineties. Such a sweet idea, it’s almost romantic. We chatted with Rimada about the other band members and being fatter than James Murphy.

me:  ‪So, I haven’t seen you perform since like 2006. What have you been up to since then? I know Monotract is still about in some form.‬

rogerrimada:  ‪Not really.  Monotract is effectively dead until the 30th year anniversary live from La Carreta parking lot.  Nancy (Garcia) does her own thing and so does Carlos (Giffoni).  I’ve been mostly out of music aside from some weekly jams with friends and I new project I’m doing with my old bro/former M.B. Evans guitarist Daniel Laburu called ‘Grenadier’.  We’ve played a few shows in NYC and we’ll likely play a few more very soon.  We’re just kinda cranking it up.  Also in that band are Alberto Laburu and Daniel Clapp, two other legacy Miami boyz.  It’s kinda indie rock right now but it’s spreading like a Flanigan’s rib-wing combo.‬

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Art Basel Miami Beach: Drown tomorrow at General Practice and Viking Funeral on HuffPo Miami


Drown will be a musical adventure, if you will, taking place tomorrow at General Practice. It will feature some of the best bands from Miami and some from out of town. Huffington Post Miami launched today with an article by Liz Tracy on Viking Funeral. Read it here, or read it there.

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Art Basel Miami Beach: Farley Aguilar takes over Scope Art Show

farley aguilar scope

Today is the preview of Scope Art Show, which is put together by THL friend Daniel Laburu and will feature one of my favorite people and artists Farley Aguilar. His cryptic and haunting paintings will be taking over Booth B23, curated by Anthony Spinello. Make sure to stop by. Farley’s work is the shit (there’s an art term for ya).


Art Basel Miami Beach: catch this graffiti mural being created now at Bakehouse Art Complex

lalo vargas bac graffiti

Graffiti culture as we know it strengthened and expanded during the eighties. In South Florida, a community of artists who have been tagging away for the past three decades have come together on a project. Reuniting through a Facebook group, Miami Graffiti History aka MGH80’s, members Aurelio Roman aka DMS organized a memorial and gathering of writers, even ones from out of town. Over a dozen artists will be working on a massive mural on a wall outside of the Bakehouse Art Complex this Art Basel. There will be DJs and dancing.

This image was created by Lalo Vargas aka END with TIME and GWIZ to memorialize a friend who passed away, Ocho Placas tattoo shop’s Jose L Carrera aka Nasty Nes.

Check it out live till Dec. 2 at 561 NW 32nd Street.


Bhakti Baxter and Jenna Balfe talk about the must-see-everyone-will-go art blowout tonight in the DD


It’s Sunday already, and we’re all taking fearful baby steps toward Basel. It’s only days away and shit has already begun.

Tonight at 3825, Bhakti Baxter’s space in the Design District, there will be a Miami style, art blow out. If you want a good taste of what we have to offer artistically as a city, this is the event you should attend. There will be performances and a Balance BBQ Sculpture by Baxter and Jason Hedges, presenting a medieval cooking device. The show is a collaboration with NDS shop and Diet Gallery’s Hard Poems in Space.

We happened upon Baxter and Jenna Balfe who will be performing at the show and accosted them for a chat.

Tell me about the show.

Bhakti: The show is to celebrate the space that four or five artists have been working in in the last eight years and it’s closing because it will be demolished the beginning of next year. We wanted to have one last throwdown at the space.

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Art Basel Miami Beach: The Heat Lightning's massive, all-inclusive list of satellite fairs and related events

ferris bueller art

Art Basel Miami Beach. It’s baaack.

We have again put together a comprehensive list of Art Basel and related events to assist you in your Basel journey. Last year, Venessa Monokian and I created Bikable Basel maps. Some places have moved, but you can still use them and your bike (be green, guys).

You should remember to go to Scope, Pulse, and NADA because I like them the best. Then you should go to all of these events down here. I starred ones that I will either be at or, if I were multiple people existing at the same time, would attend all of.

If you don’t see something on here, add it to the comments, please! Thanks.

Remember to hydrate, people! Wear comfortable shoes. Learn something new about something. And for God’s sake, have a happy Basel!

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So, I saw The Cost play a while ago at Bar. I thought they were pretty good for dudes who, I don’t think, actually knew how to play anything a few weeks prior. They’ve gotten better since and I will say, I honestly think they’re like worth seeing. I interviewed them boy band style for the Miami New Times. Check them out this Saturday opening for the Jacuzzi Boys, Holly Hunt, and Honey Train at Churchill’s.

by , posted Nov 25, 01:24 PM


Click here right now cause one of THL’s favorite Miami bands Holly Hunt is on Squelch TV at 11 p.m. If you don’t know, learn about The Laundry Room Squelchers here.

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The Miami New Times’ annual People Issue will probably be stacked in green metal boxes all over town by tomorrow, but today, it’s up online. Read about Jimbo Luznar of Jimbo’s, activist Vanessa Brito, and Oba Ernesto Pichardo. I mention them in particular because they’re interesting people, and, of course, because I wrote those. Enjoy!

by , posted Nov 22, 04:16 PM

This crappy economy has ruined my relationship with the Food Network

julia child

Like the title says, this crappy economy has ruined my relationship with the Food Network. Maybe you can feel me on this struggle, or maybe you have big paychecks and aren’t obsessed with watching people garnish and saute.

During this economic downturn, I have sort of lost my taste – if you will – for watching people prepare food on TV. I’m one of those strange failed nerds who is obsessed with watching others put together delicious meals with not much of hope of ever actually cooking like them. It’s not like I learn nothing from watching. It is somewhat educational, but it’s also therapeutic.

Since I was a child, I creepily waited all week for my Saturdays when I could sit with a cup of tea and veg out on PBS cooking shows. Decade upon decade, I obsessed over Jacques Pepin in his lush garden, the Naked Chef making scallops fresh from the sea, that poor bald lady Lydia, and funny, kind Julia Child making pita with a man in a dress and his wife. I felt like these were my people, kindred spirits, except they’re like really good cooks who know how to gut animals, and I merely watch, drink my English breakfast, and salivate. So, not kindred spirits, but people who I wish were my friends.

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Less Concept, More Action: Miami Art Dares with Alan Gutierrez

alan gutierrez

Less Concept, More Action is a project by Misael Soto and Liz Tracy which dares Miami artists to do things that make them uncomfortable, but in a friendly way.

Artist Alan Gutierrez is an employee at Dorsch Gallery and a sort of prim dude. He took our art dare to wear next to nothing but coochie cutters and a Dorsch Gallery tee and brave the insanity that is art walk holding a huge arrow that stated: Free Booze… and some art. But first, we asked him three questions about art walk and free booze.

So, what do you do, art-wise?
Be the light.

How do you feel about art walk and what it’s become?
I think it’s a great way to incorporate an aerobic element into your art-seeing.

How do you feel about free booze?
Not too long ago I set up an elaborate bloody Mary bar at my house and sent out an open invitation to stop by for a drink. That was extremely gratifying.

Make sure to check out the Dorsch Gallery’s 20 year anniversary this Saturday, November 19 at 10 p.m. You can say what’s up to our man Alan who will likely not be in booty shorts. There will be free booze and awesome music though. Oh, and swing by Flute Salad around the corner at Lester’s to say hi to Liz and Amanda. Video after jump.

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Antonia Wright's party/show at Dr. Mosquera's gallery/office was the best quinceañera ever

antonia wright 2

I’m sure you’re wondering what I did last weekend. Well, not really, but you should be since at least one event I attended was out of this world awesome.

Miami artist Antonia Wright works at the Margulies Collection, was one of the major forces behind the Wynwood Art Fair, and is known for her engaging, emotional, and thoughtful performance art. You might have already seen the photos of 31-year old Wright posing for her very own quinceañera around town. Airbrushed and garishly dressed, she’s a perfect Cuban princess, though double the age of one normally pictured posing in elaborate gardens without a husband at her side.

Where All of Your Quinceanera Dreams Come True opened at The Mosquera Collection in October. Wright mailed out special invitations to friends to attend her very own quince just last Friday. She never had her own “coming out” party, and so, this performative work allowed her to experience her own big day.

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Here’s my review of opening night of Radio-Active Records in Fort Lauderdale. They have a good selection and it’s super chill. Even Miami people should bravely cross county lines to check it out.

by , posted Nov 7, 02:37 PM

Jacuzzi Boys new video with talking snatch & poon faces, so very NSFW

jacuzzi boys

Right about now, at this very moment, there are at least 50 people in the world asking themselves a question about the Jacuzzi Boys video for Glazin’. They’re thinking things like: Is that a Gabriel pussy? or Can I ever watch The Simpsons again? and How is a talking vagina making me this nauseous? and even Do I know that cooter personally? It looks familiar…

This video was made by a half dozen UM ladies called the Jacuzzi Gals. Bitches is crazy. The full text of the girls’ explanation and the Jacuzzi’s response is below. Though it was an unofficial video, seems like it’s for real JB shit now. This line is a gem, “Vagina’s are so sci-fi, right?” Well, technically they’re very biological and thus earthly and real, but I can totally appreciate that sentiment in light of the singing coochies. Read it up!

In related news, the Jacuzzis were also on an MTV segment that is both funny and nicely edited. I have to say, Danny was informative, and Gabriel’s singing was stellar, but Diego’s a fucking natural on camera. When I have my own talk show, he’s coming on it to repeat, “Old dudes?” and then make that face. Diego, srsly, talk show time.

Back to taco time. Check out the chatting cunts after the jump!

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The Marriage Plot: a probing review of Eugenides from a partly personal perspective

the marriage plot

I have not read The Virgin Suicides or Middlesex, even though I am a little obsessed with hermaphrodites, less so with virgins. Thus, before finishing up The Marriage Plot a few days ago, I had boringly not yet been touched literarily or physically by Eugenides.

Want to preface this whole long look at the author’s newest endeavor by saying that I enjoyed the book immensely. I will continue with the information that many elements of this book hit home with me, personally. Finally, I want to talk about structure and how the subject matter influenced, in a few ways, the manner in which Eugenides handled his characters and the unveiling of the story.

Let’s begin.

Superficially, the novel tells the tale of three characters transitioning from college to the real world, but that’s not something that I thought about much while reading, or I probably wouldn’t have finished this book. What attracted me was how Eugenides relates preppy but smart Madeleine’s emotional undoing during her break up with crazy ass but brilliant Leonard. What reeled me in more was thoughtful and religiously curious Mitchell, who is totally in love with Madeleine and who I kind of spent the whole novel being obsessed with, in a completely narcissistic way.

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Pocket of Lollipops' Maitejosune Urrechaga and Tony Kapel gator puzzle (interactive)

pocket of lollipops gator small

One of THL’s favorite married couples, who you may also know as rockers Pocket of Lollipops Maitejosune Urrechaga and Tony Kapel were selected to decorate a 7-foot sculpture of a glamorous gator. As part of a project celebrating female philanthropists through the Art and Culture Center of Hollywood, these guys are true winners.

In case you missed the unveiling last night at the Colonnade Outlets at Sawgrass Mills, the multi-talented artists created a puzzle version of their collaborative creation especially for our wonderful THL readers.

Print it out, cut it up, figure it out. Oh, and enjoy the crap out of it!

Hit up Pocket of Lollipop’s Snowcone in the Stairs show at Little River Yacht Club on Nov. 19.

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