Pointless anecdote time!

Whenever I hear the words “band t-shirt” in any random context, it brings me back to a definitively negative event from my youth. It was the fall of my 8th grade year – soon to become the worst year of my entire life (though I didn’t know it yet). I was your typical 14-year-old bespectacled, braces wearing, pizza-faced, depressed chubby loser. Natural Born Killers had just been released and I somehow conned my Dad into buying me a ticket to the movie, which was remarkable in that I was not allowed to see R-rated films, especially not nihilistic gore fests that barely managed to avoid an NC-17 death mark. Might I mention that at this point I still watched the Large Marge scene in Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure through my fingers? Nightmares, for real. Predictably, I chickened out before even going into the theater, too afraid of the violence and Rodney Dangerfield, and went to see something else completely safe and benign and forgettable instead.

The cover simply stating “A Hint in Confidence” – discreet, unsuspecting; Open it and an eminent authority will enlighten you you to the world of female intimate hygiene using lysol douche. For your health.

Are you currently huddled on your couch, shaking under the blankets while awaiting the rapture on Saturday? Why not watch a few end of the world films to pass your final hours? Here are a few lesser known selections for your viewing (dis)pleasure.

Don’t forget, Judgment Day is Saturday, May 21, 2011.
Are you ready?

If you don’t make it upwards – join in on the post-rapture looting. RSVP here!

NPR breaks it down.

There’s no way this Camping fellow could be wrong about it. I mean, just look at him! He knows.

I’m lazy and I like to relax. I don’t want to rush when I eat. I prefer breakfast foods to all others. I also enjoy sleeping in well past traditional breakfast dining time. Therefore, I really like brunch. I can think of little better than zoning out for hours into the afternoon, chatting, eating, drinking. I have had some good times at a brunch, very pleasant, memorable, perfect times. God, that sounds pathetic. But there it is. There is nothing better than a day free of obligations and distractions.

I am nothing if not cynical. And I’m especially cynical about pop music – I have no need for it. I roll my eyes and pretend it doesn’t exist, shutting my ears to it. When invited by friends to see the Justin Bieber movie on opening night there was no question – I would absolutely not be wasting money on that 3D propaganda piece and subjecting my eardrums to toxic overproduced bubblegum noise, even if it warranted a laugh or two. Because Bieber is a sure-fire sign of the impending apocalypse, right? But the event evolved into a girl’s night out, a tongue-in-cheek outing replete with homemade Bieber t-shirts and party games, so I decided to loosen up and give it a whirl. If nothing else I would have dinner, a story and a laugh.

“I love you,
turn me not away;

I am a peach,
so all the girls say.”

Surprise! You may or may not have heard the news, but the world will in fact end in 2011 – not in 2012 as previously expected. Judgment Day will be May 21st, and the fires will end us on October 21st. A clean, exact five month span. Start doing everything you’ve ever wanted to do in your life/repent now!

Admittedly, I listened to very little new music this year, much the same as any year; I’m out of touch.

Pitchfork – Hate to love to read and usually their content is all but irrelevant to me. However, their choice for top song of 2010 was spot on: Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti’s (mouthful) “Round and Round.” The album it’s from, “Before Today,” was my favorite of the year. Beautifully spooky pop radio crackle from the ether. This album throws in everything from jungle monkey sound effects to lyrics that cry “castrate me” and it’s all oddly stunning and indeed truly haunting.