$13,900.00 gets you all this!
- $10 bottled water from Kentucky specifically for mixing with whiskey and bearing the painfully lumbertwee name “Old Limestone.”
- $6 for a bottle of water with two sprigs of asparagus in it. Whole Foods is claiming this was a communication error but I really think they’re just trying to see what they can get away with at this point.
- $5k for an electric moped. You know – like the skater kids tool around on, only powered by electricity rather than a shitty two stroke. Personally this makes it less cool.
- $13.9k for an imported Japanese 1986 Nissan Skyline GT. I mean just look at this interior and imagine what kind of fresh hell it’d be to drive a car with the steering wheel on the wrong side in Miami traffic.
- $80 for a mask from a deleted scene in Saw wherein someone gets their eyes pecked out by hummingbirds.
- $18 for wool drier balls. These are not sheep’s testicles – just balls of wool. You put them in a drier for some reason.
- $15 for seeds you can plant after the apocalypse. I mean assuming there’s non-irradiated ground to plant them in.
- $1.6 million for Jesse Pinkman’s house. I’m surprised this isn’t on GoFundMe/Kickstarter/whatever yet.
- $50 for toy gun that shoots dimpled foam balls at 70 mph and requires six C batteries. It’s also hellzaloud. Damn I’m glad I don’t have kids.