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Abel Interviews The Dwarves, Finds Them Most Handsome

The Dwarves have been the most handsome and good looking band in rock and roll since the 80’s. Their travels and records are the stuff of legend. Gearing up to rock South Florida one more time at the revered Churchill’s Hideaway Pub this past weekend, we recently had the chance to conduct a rare THL interview with ringleader Blag the Ripper (or Dahlia, depending) and here’s how it went down!

THL: Back in 2000 I had a small incident involving the Free Cocaine compilation album and my mother. While I was originally tempted to demand an apology from you regarding the near-coronary the poor woman suffered, I have over the years grown to chuckle at the incident and regard it with certain nostalgia. That said, what is the gravitas of the skull and cross-cocks logo within the mythos of The Dwarves?

Blag: That’s strange, Abel, because I always found your mom to be very accommodating. The Skull and Boners logo was created by Chicago artist Jon Straus way back in the 1980s and will live on in infamy. How many homophobes have worn it, blissfully unaware that there are big cocks on their t-shirt? The world will never know!

Of course, we’re almost criminally heterosexual, so to us it simply means that fucking is never far from our thoughts.

THL: For lack of a specific numeric tally, you are now in your fourth decade rattling brains; could you describe your feelings today in this industry compared to when you first set out and the time in-between?

Blag: Punk is more easily controlled, commercial and boring. Fans take your picture instead of dancing and kids do Adderol instead of cocaine. The Dwarves, however, are still the best band ever.

THL: The Dwarves have been known for the revolving door of players that have tenured with the band, some of note and some who’ve guested from their rightfully influential outfits, throughout all this, you and HeWhoCannotBeNamed have been the steady rocks propelling the band, how much has your relationship with each other grown and/or developed throughout the years?

Blag: HeWhoCanNotBeNamed is a mystery, wrapped in an enigma and then flushed down a toilet for safekeeping. He is the Alpha, the Omega and the Lance Armstrong of Rock. Pick up his new solo joint ‘Humaniterrorist’ wherever records aren’t actually sold anymore.

The revolving line up is also worth mentioning because all of them showed up on The Dwarves Are Born Again to add that certain something. Chip Fracture, Fresh Prince of Darkness, Gregory Pecker, Rex Everything, Saltpeter, Vadge Moore, Wholley Smokkes. A diverse and talented group of middle aged white guys with funny names who changed rock n roll forever!

THL: Whether you ever set out to develop a reputation as a wildly raucous live band or not, it is true to say that Dwarves fans could be a little extreme in nature and execution, after all these years performing on the road, what are your impressions concerning your following and what specific instances of non-existent crowd control stand out?

Blag: The turning point was when girls started coming to our shows. The first 10 years was a sausage fest. Violence and mayhem have followed us from our earliest days. We’ve been stabbed, bludgeoned, spat upon, arrested and fellated up there, but we still keep going. Personally, I do it for the pussy!

THL: Aside from the Dwarves you’ve maintained a pretty full platter of side projects and solo ventures, some like bluegrass that makes sense to me, what other projects are you currently developing and if of a “softer” nature, do you find that such work is a therapy of sorts given what you’re most closely associated with?

Blag: As the O’Jays said, “I love music, any kind of music”. Right now I’m writing a musical, and they are about the ‘softest’ thing you can do without declaring your love for the guy from Twilight.  It’s not enough to be the best punk band ever, we need to be the bride the groom and the corpse of contemporary music.

THL: In closing, you’ve been young and good looking, you’ve come clean, you’ve died and you’ve been reborn, what does the future hold for the Dwarves?

Blag: Eventually, the sun will go super nova and swallow our entire solar system in a fiery ball of devastation. We can’t wait! Meanwhile, check us out at – Hear every Dwarves song ever, see dirty pics and videos and recognize, byatch!!!!



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