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Abel's 4,000 albums that matter: Part Twenty

I guess I’m what, an eighth of the way in and I still haven’t mentioned Hawkwind or Diana Krall or Tina Turner or the Spawn Sacs, right? Oh well. Who knows how long before this train derails. Today we hit 500 which means nothing really other than I might be on more frequent sabbaticals from here on out, which is cool because you can just continue imagining that somewhere else, I’m also committing the same violent transgressions against the English Language and Her Grammar and Spellings. I like pork chops by the way. #Chuleta Oh, I’ll also be very busy making those tapes for our four contest winners since the equipment will be back from the shop this week!!!

476. LOS HOMBRES G — ESTAMOS LOCOS… ¿O QUÉ? On the Spain tip, this is one of my favorite albums of 1987; must’ve played the tape staring at the dumb pig on the cover for days on end… until the tape snapped sometime in 1991 and by then I was Stateside and couldn’t find it at Lily’s Records, no thanks to some highly uncooperative and ineffective “dependientes” there. De pinga. Anywho, “Bomba Fétida” and “Mujer de Bandera” rocked some serious ass.

477. OSCAR PETERSONOSCAR PETERSON PLAYS COUNT BASIE. Working in a quartet format was never Peterson’s strongpoint in my opinion, but the 10 tracks on this record are performed with some panache and respect to the Basie catalogue. Pretty good for jazz fans who might not entirely care for an album’s history but wanna hear an amalgam of greats. Plus Peterson on keys never disappoints.

478. CLIFTON CHENIER AND HIS RED HOT LOUISIANA BAND. The man who pretty much brought zydeco out of the swamps… and it only took like thirty fucking years for this 1982 album to put him on the map, but by then it was too late. Not even his smuggy smiling mug on the cover, complete with some gold buck-teeth could prevent him from passing away in 1987 and robbing the world of some better recordings. Oh well. I don’t mind fuzzy transmissions. Do you?

479. SQUAREPUSHERBURNINGN’N TREE. Never really got what was so intelligent of intelligent dance music (IDM), but then again, I’m a computer-tard and simple commands are lost on my troglodyte hands, but I did like this compilation of a pair of EPs whose names I can’t remember right now. Aha.

480. THE STAPLES SINGERS — “Respect Yourself“”/”You’re Gonna Make Me Cry.” Roebuck Pops and his kids made a huge dent in American music with this indelible classic A-side. Not a single looker in the crew but this ohh sooooo chocolate track is sexy and political and yummy all around. Saw them do it on the Soul Train rerun with some choice teal outfits. How Bruce Willis and June Pointer (of the Pointer Sisters) managed to rework this into an even bigger hit in ’87 defies explanation… especially since it went under the Hot Black Singles” charts. Bruce Willis is black, go figure. You heard it here first.

481. SWING OUT SISTER — IT’S BETTER TO TRAVEL. Sure, it sure is, it sure is better to travel and this album’s pretty alright. I like “Breakout” and “Fooled by a Smile” cuz c’mon, we all have been at some point. Eh?

482. JFAVALLEY OF THE YAKES. This is one of the those cool little hardcore 12” EPs you want to own but can never seem to find for a decent price, though owning the “Blatant Localism” EP is probably cooler anyways. Whatever. Had it on a tape. Tape is now gone. Cool points loss of three. I can live with that.

483. THE STYLISTICSSELF-TITLED. Classy ’71 release from these helluva cool cats who know more about pussy than any of us. Wow. And yet I somehow gravitate to the sorta goofy “Betcha By Golly Wow!” so I guess they’re even that much more cooler than I originally suspected. Wow, again.

484. THE DELFONICSSOUND OF SEXY SOUL. You know them unfortunately because of the Jackie Brown movie, which is okay, there are worse ways to come across music… shit, wait, Jackie Brown was good, what the fuck am I talking about? Never fucking mind. Anywho, The Delfonics are cool as shit, sexy, smooth, color-coordinated, etc… “Ready or Not Here I come (Can’t Hide from Love)” is probably what they are best known for thanks to the Fugees using it. That’s kinda cool too.

485. VAN DER GRAAF GENERATORTHE AEROSOL GREY MACHINE. Nifty Brit prog rock that has cool elements like flutes peppering this mother good. I like “Octopus” and “Black Smoke Yen.” For fans of Yes and fritangas.

486. LL COOL J — WALKING WITH A PANTHER. Walking with a panther wearing some serious gold has to be tougher than walking with a gat. Right? Who knows. Cool J took some flack from the hip-hop community for this record cuz it was deemed too commercial and overproduced. It yielded “Going Back to Cali” and “Big Ole Butt” and a couple others. Not bad seeing how it made him a household name.

487. MAVIS HEEREGRET. Mandapop (or Mandopop) is a fun, kitschy offshoot of Chinese pop music that is silly, tinny, sexy and residually dirty. Music to jack off to if you’re into that sort of thing. Mavis Hee’s kinda cool and goofy and she’s from Singapore which is cool, cuz they cane American vandals there and that’s hot shit. Respect!

488. GREEN ON REDGRAVITY TALKS. This was on Slash Records and though they kept some of the punk, this was a little bit more on the rock, which is okay, kinda cowpunk stuff. I like “5 Easy Pieces.”

489. ULTIMATE SPINACHSELF-TITLED. Fun psych outfit and the track “(Ballad of) The Hip Death Goddess” is almost prophetic seeing our current environments of hipness. Wow, who knew that the hippies were actually on to something? Fucking weird and freaky and cool all at once. Aha.

490. CHRISSY ZEBBY TEMBO — MY ANCESTORS. Awesome African take on psychedelic rock based on Zambian traditional music and this young man’s crazy know-how. Prolific dude too, check him out. This album is nine tracks of awesomeness with the Ngozi Family assisting the ride.

491. RIISTETYTSKITSOFRENIA. Unpronounceable Finnish hardcore from these long runners. Havoc repressed it for their 2005 USA tour, limited run of 500. Good luck with that. Nice 12” with variant covers utilizing the same band photograph. Originally from ’83.

492. SHITTER LIMITEDANNA PILLUA HELENA PESOLA. More Finnish awesomeness of D-beat influenced hardcore. The title roughly translates to “gimmie your pussy Helena Pesola.” Awesome anti-PC fun. I kinda want Helena Pesola’s mythical pussy, don’t you? I think these guys got back together in 2006.

493. CARLOS GARDEL — LO MEJOR DE LO MEJOR. Uruguayan? Argentine? French? Ahh the many many mysteries of Carlitos Gardel, tango’s main man… can you believe it’s been almost 80 years since he died in a fiery hell of an airplane crash in Colombia? Wow. I wanna see if Scotland finally put up the statues of him honoring him for some concerts he did there for FREE in rural and marginalized areas. The man was a man! Maybe he got Helena Pesola’s sweets in that long walk at the end of the clearing.

494. O-HUMNAHAL-E HEYRAT. In honor of my Persian/Iranian friends, check out this alt/electro rock band from Tehran who’ve been defying Ayatollahs and religious idiocy in order to rock out. Eid-it Mobarak!!!

495. DIRE STRAITSBROTHERS IN ARMS. Seriously, “Money for Nothing” and the little faggot are guilty pleasures. Sorry. Song’s been stuck in my head since the morning and I had to release it somehow since I’m not allowed to “lord over” the staff room’s playlist. You like it too.

496. GRUPO DAIQUIRI — LA CASA DEL RITMO. Venezuelan combo who made some good party and dance music in the 80’s with real tropical panache. “Chamo Candela” was on the radio all the fucking time and I met these dudes in Maiquetia while waiting for Pan Am to dock their shit back in 85 or 86, got autographs and photos! My mom’s got them somewhere in her five billion photo albums.

497. ASSFACTOR 4 — SOMETIMES I SUCK. This 7“er tells the truth I guess, don’t we all at some point, somehow? Oh well, I like it. Early 90’s HC/thrash stuff for fans of Palatka, Asshole Parade or anything with the word ass in it.

498. DIANA HADDADAHL AL ESHEG. Dabke pop from this Lebby singer who treads between traditional Bedouin music and straight-up Arab pop. Good voice, gives me emotions. Six lengthy tracks on this platter that are nice while setting up a good mezze.

499. MEZZOFORTERISING. Weird funk-fusion from Iceland. Fun and cool, had one hit in ’83 (before this album), something with “garden” in the title and then they kinda etched out a few other discs before giving up the ghost. Or they might still be around under another name, I don’t know. But c’mon, Icelandic funk-fusion? And you thought what’s her face was as weird as it got.

500. TALKING HEADSTALKING HEADS: 77. From “New Feeling” to “Tentative Decisions” to “Psycho Killer.” Awesome album that I will not embarrass with jerk-off tales of excess and wine consumption. Play it from beginning to end. Delicious.



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