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Abel's 4,000 albums that matter: part thirteen


Onwards you Black Emperors! Part the thirteenth is upon us and your humble narrator continues the Canadian vibe in the opening vignettes and goes into unrelated rambles concerning the evil heroin, albums that need to die, and the usual verbiage of violent volleys against the English Language and Her Grammars and Spellings. This one does not end well.

301. SNFU — IF YOU SWEAR, YOU’LL CATCH NO FISH. I remember being in Canada in 1994 and getting a lot of Canadian TV under my belt during the slow afternoons of my two-week stay and seeing these fuckers’ videos on all the time on what was it? Much Music or More Music? Something Canadian and polite. Lots of skating involved. I dubbed this tape from a friend in school when I got back. Cool stuff. Fun trip.

302. THE DIODESTIRED OF WAKING UP TIRED: THE BEST OF THE DIODES. Seriously, who isn’t? But in favor of finding a specific album, this “best of” collection has all the hits you need without the geenky über-New Wavey stuff that might make you cringe. Often looked over, you might enjoy it.

303. PROPAGHANDIHOW TO CLEAN EVERYTHING. The very first Propaghandi that I heard and in my opinion, they’re best because of “Ska Sucks” and “Haillie Sellasse, Up your Ass.” Quite frankly, my interest in them waned considerably after their third studio album and their new, quasi-metal sound doesn’t really do it for me. Oh well, at least they are still at it.

304. THE SUBHUMANS (CANADA) — INCORRECT THOUGHTS. These guys were (and apparently are again) the real deal. Terrorism charges, jail time, all that punk rock crap rolled into one. This is a good starting point, good shit. If anybody has their last album on Alternative Tentacles, I’d like a listen.

305. NOMEANSNOSEX MAD. This was my first taste of these punk rock versions of Rush… figures they’d be Canadian. Their alt-math-jazz punk might not be the cup of tea for most, but their sheer capability and virtuosity at their instruments makes a Greg Ginn effort almost an afterthought in comparison… and I kinda mean that in a respectful manner to Greg Ginn… I guess I always felt that every NoMeansNo album was a new and improved Process of Weeding Out. Not for your average punk, that’s for sure.

306. NOMEANSNOSMALL PARTS ISOLATED AND DESTROYED. This is a really good album that I will always associate for some reason with Tom “Smokedog” Bowker, working out at FIU, and alcohol abuse. I remember being really drunk. I remember being kicked out of the Barracuda bar, I remember service being refused to us at the Flannigan’s in the Grove, I remember going to the ATM four times. I remember somehow dropping Tom off at his parent’s house and a number of dings appearing on my beloved Nissan Sentra the next day. I remember a massive headache. I remember a good time. Hey! Tom! I also remember you blasting this album in your mom’s white Camry (was it?), jumping over a curb and going to see the South Park movie. Fun!

307. DAYGLO ABORTIONSDEUX CHIENS FOURRENT. For the uninitiated, the title translates to: Two Dogs Fucking and it is a great album cover! It’s a take on a Canadian postal stamp with a pair of Malamutes going at it. Ha ha! Funny shit. This band has from time to time suffered the ire of ultra-polite Canadians because of their provocative overall-ness. Check ‘em out.

308. D.O.A. — WAR ON 45. Even if it’s just for their cover of Chris Montez’s “Let’s Dance” (some of you will know the Ramones version of that) turned into “Let’s Fuck” this album would be worth it. This was my first taste of D.O.A. and boy has it been good since. Joey Shithead has become a legend in Canadian pop culture, even outside of the punk rock. If anybody has a copy of his book, [I, Shithead], I’d love to borrow it. Word up. Good start for their catalogue too.

309. I SPYREVENGE OF THE LITTLE SHITS. I picked this up when I was going through my Recess Records phase and it was an enjoyable 10”. Funny, punkish, Canadian. I remember liking “Tell ‘em Big Baby Sent Ya!” for some reason, though I enjoyed the disc on an even keel.

310. MASON WILLIAMSTHE MASON WILLIAMS PHONOGRAPH RECORD. This is an album that took a long time for me to track down for a listen, why? Cuz nobody knew what the fuck I was talking about. The single of this album is “Classical Gas” which everybody has heard like a billion times but nobody knew who it was by or where it came from blah blah blah. Well, it was from this Mason Williams dude who composed music for the Smothers Brothers I believe. Oh well, I like that track. Rest of the album is kinda a little jinglier in my opinion.

311. LED ZEPELLINHOUSES OF THE HOLY. The cover art makes me feel a little dirty. But the songs “D’yer Mak’er” and “The Song Remains the Same” make me feel clean. Is that a good thing? I don’t care. I just know this album sounds better on vinyl, much better. I highly recommend the 180 gram vinyl reissue as I like it better than an original press.

312. DEEP PURPLEMACHINE HEAD. “Smoke on the Water.” That’s about all I can say about this album. There are far better Deep Purple albums overall, but the sheer popularity of that song caused this album to be my very first taste. Oh well. More on them later I guess.

313. MIKIS THEODORAKIS — Z: ORIGINAL MOTION PICTURE SOUNDTRACK. This is a great soundtrack to a great (re: phenomenal) film by Costa Gavras, Z. Check it out. Theodorakis is also, as of late, a raging anti-Semite, weird Greek dude, but with this movie, and others that will pop up here, he made a thoroughly enjoyable album of tracks that compliment the film and stand alone on their own right. A Greek Morricone, without the hatred.

314. I.R.A. — ATENTADO TERRORISTA. Colombia’s finest and longest running punk rock band. A la MDC, their moniker fluctuates with different releases. This 7” is an early effort of theirs that I picked up many many years ago at the Space Cadette Record store Sterling, John and Meredith ran. Good little punk rock 7”. More entries for them later.

315. GENESISINVISIBLE TOUCH. I don’t know why, but for some reason, pre-Disney Phil Collins and Genesis have always been of interest to me. I remember this album’s single, “Land of Confusion” with its Beatles rip-off cover of the claymated band members. That was kinda cool. I kinda feel the same way about Dire Straits, I don’t know why. Maybe I’ve got a drinking problem.

316. MUDDY WATERSSAIL ON. An excellent Muddy album. Some standouts: “I Just Want to Make Love to You” and “Long Distance Call.” Overall satisfaction from beginning to end from that old blues smoothie. Can one of you bitches leave some panties on his grave? Witness!

317. BLACK FLAGWHO’S GOT THE 10 1/2? Excellent live recording of Black Flag. Perhaps one of the few recordings of the Rollins/Roessler era that I can dig, cuz quite frankly, Rollins is my least favorite BF vocalist. I guess with Kira having the 10 1/2 for sure, we can all breathe a little easier now. Good live album. The “Slip It It / Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie” medley is my favorite moment.

318. CHINA WHITEDANGERZONE. This is one of those California bands you always see the logo for on old flyers, or mentioned on liner notes… always lurking in the shadows and in the backgrounds. Oh well, to give them a little credit, somebody traded me some tapes and in the exchange I got this album dubbed without a track sheet. Like the Circle Jerks? Germs? You’ll like China White. Like getting strung out and foaming at the mouth? Chances are you’ll still like them just as well. So, to the junkie who stole my cassette… hope your needles ain’t clean tonight!

319. THE GITSENTER: THE CONQUERING CHICKEN. Mia Zapata’s brutal murder cut short what would’ve been a great career. That her killer was eventually tracked down and arrested in Miami ten years later (2003) is little consolation, though the episode of Forensic Files on her is quite good since science caught the killer… stupid Marielito. Though this is the album that was being recorded at the time of her death and finished without her, it was till my first taste of The Gits. Good stuff. “Drunks” and the single “Spear & Magic Helmet” are repeat faves.

320. RED HOT CHILI PEPPERSBLOOD SUGAR SEX MAGIK. I want this album to finally make it under the bridge downtown and die of a massive heroin overdose. This will be the only instance in which I will wish music a drug death. I have many friends who have died from this scourge, but this album deserves it. I loathe and hate it and I’m getting angry remembering how it couldn’t be escaped from in the early ’90s. I have said my piece/peace.

321. NIRVANANEVERMIND. This album is only good for “Territorial Pissings.” The rest of it can follow RHCP to the bridge. I’ll provide the shotgun. Every other Nirvana album is good. This one was killed by the radio stations and MTV. Thank you, this one could’ve been left alone, it could’ve been spared. You took this one away from us and now I hate it. I own it, but there’s only one song I dig. Thanks. Assholes.

322. PM DAWN — OF THE HEART, OF THE SOUL AND OF THE CROSS: THE UTOPIAN EXPERIENCE. This was an album that I heard a lot of hype for and I think in the end they just referred to Prince Be’s beaded dreads cuz quite frankly, I can’t sit through this. And I hate the fact that my stupid mind plays tricks on me cuz I always initially mistake Prince for Biz Markie. I don’t know why, but it happens. I’m sorry. Don’t buy this. If you own it, give it to someone you hate.

323. GEORGE MICHAELFAITH. If the entire roster of the A side of this disc doesn’t make you gag, then you are very tough. How can you not be sick of this guy? And keep in mind that I praise him for his Greekness and his gayness and his glory-holeness and all that taboo crap that keeps him in the tabloids, but sweet Baby Jesus, why in the fuck did those tracks have to be overplayed well into the motherfucking ’90’s? The album is from 1987?!?!? Hell!

324. NOFXPUNK IN DRUBLIC. This is the Blood Sugar Sex Magic of punkdom. This album can go and die. I am sick and tired of it. Sick! And tired! Hell! This album makes me angry. All the songs make me angry. Overplayed. And to think that it was once enjoyable. Maybe I’m at fault. And Juan, the “live” Acre recording of it makes me nauseous. Ill. I want to vomit.

325. SOULJA BOY TELL ‘EM — SOULJABOYTELLEM.COM. I do not believe under any circumstance that this entry requires and explanation. As a music lover and infrequent music journalist I felt that this album right here, and most importantly, the song that shall not be named, caused the beginning of the end. I’m talking about Ringtone Music. The death of all things good and pure. Feel free to slice your veins. It’s over.

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