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Good News! The World Will Not End in 2012.
It's gonna end in 2011, suckers!

Surprise! You may or may not have heard the news, but the world will in fact end in 2011 – not in 2012 as previously expected. Judgment Day will be May 21st, and the fires will finish us off on October 21st. A clean, exact five month span like the bible tells it. Start doing everything you’ve ever wanted to do in your life/repent now!

This date was brought to my attention through a local jewelry store owner who is holding a special “Second Coming” 50% off sale. See his TV spot below.

I’m quite positive that there is no way this will be the outcome of the 2011 prediction.

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Back in Syracuse, my history teacher told us about a man named Miller who predicted Judgement Day. His followers did good works for years in preparation, giving away their worldly possessions and living selfless lives.

When the day came and went without incident, hundreds of Millerites showed up at his house. He apologized, saying he’d misinterpreted the signs. He assured them the correct day of Judgement would be one year hence.

The Millerites doubled their efforts, spending another year toiling for the poor and underprivileged, telling anyone who would listen that Jesus was coming, and immediately giving any wealth they accumulated to charitable causes.

When Judgement Day 2.0 also passed without incident, Millerites got ugly. They showed up at Miller’s house ready for his hide.

“Don’t you see, my friends?” Miller told them. “All the good you’ve done these past years has swayed God’s heart. Your good works have saved us all from Judgement.”

According to my history teacher, one of the most popular religions in America had evolved from those origins.

In the pre-internet days, I was forced to the library. I determined that the religion in question was Seventh Day Adventist.

Looking a the Wikipedia link, I have no idea what to believe. Still, even if my teacher embellished, its a good story. As they say, “If it aint true, it outta be.”

Thanks for the memories.

Aaron Curtis · Feb 5, 06:45 AM · #

i just thought i’d invest in flame-retardant everything. do you think they’ll make f-r doggie-suits? maybe a bunch of fire extinguishers and popsicles too. i like popsicles on hot days.

— leah · Feb 10, 07:30 PM · #

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