Politics
Glenn Beck rally, pumped and ready to restore honor: whatever that means
As I neared the National Mall en route to a tee time Saturday afternoon, I dialed my radio to C-SPAN’s live transmission of the Glenn Beck revival, “Restoring Honor.” I was rudely re-routed from Ohio Drive over the Memorial Bridge, where hordes of hideously dressed Caucasians mystifyingly sauntered away from the keynote speaker toward Arlington Cemetery. Perhaps they mistakenly heard there was a Bob Evans within walking distance. While I searched the vacant faces in the crowd for the emotional tenor of the afternoon, I gave Reverend Beck a few minutes to plead his case.
As if to herald the eye of a mighty storm, Beck strained to put a more nuanced event on the busy calendar of an otherwise ham-handed, childishly simplistic political movement. He insisted that his demonstration to “restore honor” would not be political, but some kind of pep rally for veterans and God-fearing Americans who feel upset about the direction of American culture. Because the themes were shrouded in a soupçon of mystery and because it interrupted my drive to the golf course, I tuned in to hear what Beck had to say when the spotlight shone brightest.
I heard vague bromides about the nature of the “American experiment” and the importance of sacrifice and liberty in our history. He wept during a “What about the children?” moment that seemed to equate pediatric cancer to the federal deficit. Then he pivoted to the salience of faith in God, because God makes everything better. This sermon was schmaltzy and boiler-plate, indistinguishable from the Elmer Gantry-style evangelicalism which is as old as America itself. I guess restoring honor has something to do with being boring and self-righteous. Still, I must admit that it was the first time he failed to compel me to change the channel in disgust.
I spun my car around and returned over the bridge to D.C. From what I could see, the crowd stretched beyond the Washington Monument, which indicated an impressive turnout. Everything seemed orderly, and the only sign I saw read something like, “If we called Bush what you call Obama, you’d call us ‘Traitor’” (Beck had implored his guests to forego bringing signs, as well as firearms, to the rally). I conceded that almost all of these people appeared to come to Washington not to be obnoxious, but to respectfully celebrate white culture. More power to ya.
Only after I played nine holes and was detoured once again on my way home did my objections to his speech began to take shape. While the old-timey, politically neutered tone of the rally ostensibly makes it less controversial, I found it to be potentially far more dangerous than any campaign event I’ve ever seen.
Never did Beck clarify what he believes his followers should do with their considerable energy and resources. When he tells his minions that America must “restore honor” and “turn back to God,” how exactly should they effect that change? Should they try to convert the wicked? (Is any denomination of Christianity OK?) Should they volunteer time or money to, say, Pakistani flood victims? Should they just vote Republican? Should they rebel against godless leaders, never forgetting Sharon Angle’s Second Amendment remedies? Was he merely preaching to the choir, helping the attendees reaffirm their faith? The last thing he should do after lathering up an army of armed believers is withhold the punch line, the raison d’être of “Restoring Honor.”
I am not disposed to conspiracy theories, precisely because semi-secret agendas like this are far more relevant. Beck would like two things to result from his efforts (provided that he is not actually a leftist mole): fewer Democrats in office, and more money in the pockets of number one. He can hardly be accused of mischief (or creativity) on those two counts. However, the people he patronizes, with their doomsday visions of religion and modern politics, are not pacifist 19-year-old Green Party members twenty years away from registering as Republicans. They are militaristic NRA sympathizers with fully formed if uninformed opinions and passions. They are objectively more dangerous than their liberal counterparts, a fact to which Beck is completely oblivious.
In the run-up to Saturday’s festivities, the main story was the rather dull controversy surrounding hypocritical Beck fans decrying the Park 51 mosque on grounds of insensitivity while gleefully pissing on Martin Luther King’s legacy. The event itself was a snooze, an effort by the ringleaders to put a reputable face on the Tea Party so more white people can conclude that Beck is Larry Bird against Obama’s Showtime Lakers. I hope that this whole charade comes to nothing more than an exercise in cultural onanism and not an intentional/unintentional call to anything more than political activism. But let it be said that by vaguely inciting armed people to action, that chubby asshole should be held responsible for any violent crimes committed by rogue attendants of his pointless assembly.

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Chubby Asshole. Classy.
Listen, I think its’ great whenever anyone disagrees with Beck. But to go so far overboard as to suggest that he’s responsible for the worst actions of his listeners is to stray dangerously close to his own tactics.