I had been looking forward to Miami Summer Night’s Dream, which catered to avid yelpers and internet writers, for weeks. But when I parked my car in front of Swampspace, I realized I had forgotten my camera, which sucks, because I’m like a Red Bull-fueled, snap-crazed Asian tourist with my baby G9. Luckily, I was with my friend Kylee who brought out the iphone for THL, and, bien sûr, Jipsy was there to take the good photos.

Once we arrived, we realized we had entered a den of gluttony and I thought, “I’m home!” and then “feed me!” Not only were there like 20 restaurants that really don’t suck, but there were free libations in abundance. Kylee thought it was the best of such a free event-type that she has been to Miami. I have to say, foodwise, definitely. This is a big thing coming from me, because I am a heavy eater and a picky, haterish one at that. I loved the venison ravioli at the Maitardi table and the bbq chicken sandwich from some other place I didn’t catch, and the chocolate mousse the Sweetness guys were pushing.

Those who fed me things like shepherd’s pie, chocolate mousse work for Soleá, Waxy’s O’Connor’s, Maitardi, Morena, Bongos Cuban Cafe, Mr. Yum, Miss Yip, Vinyl & Kai, JB Kitchen & Bar, Soyka, Mercadito, Spuntino Italian pastries, Grand Luxe Café‘s signature sweets. And we drank things like Ketel One, Captain Morgan, Zacapa Rum, fenom Absinthe, Gran Sierpe Pisco, vitaminwater, Buck 15 Bombs, and Segafredo Espresso.

Of course, a beautiful atmosphere never hurts. It took place at the fantastic Moore Space, which features four floors that surround an open common area. The stretched, gum-on-the-bottom-of-your-shoe sculpture by Zaha Hadid makes Miami seem not bumpkin at all. First time I saw Zaha Hadid’s work was at the Guggenheim, which is structured similarly. Neat for me, right? To be technical about it, her shit is trippy.

The best part was that it wasn’t just food and booze we were giving out, but also FAKE EYELASHES!!! A lady from Rik Rak Salon put on a bunch of globs of glue and fake hair on my eyelids and I looked way better than I ever have before. It was magical indeed. The next morning, washing my face, it looked a little grody, but whatever.

And now a bunch of photos of people eating and/or standing near bacon cupcakes. They tasted like bacon.

Oh, and Borscht Film Fest was representing.