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OkCupid declares Liz Tracy "good-looking"

liz okcupid good looking

I know you all were wondering if I was an old, ugly gal. You thought, that Liz Tracy, just ugly or really, real busted? I mean, I gotcha, ‘cause I was wondering the same thing until OkCupid sent me this email today telling me that I’m “good-looking.” Can you believe it?! I finally feel validated as an un-fugly.

I joined OkCupid, the free, semi-cruisey/semi-dating site maybe half a year ago. It’s sort of a marriage of Facebook and Craigslist Personals. I joined for fun, well, and because I thought I’d meet hot, super young men on there, and just to get some attention for once. I kid. I really didn’t think I’d meet anyone on a free dating site. I was bored and taking a break from the boys. Forgive me my poor taste. Besides, all of my appeal is IRL, or so I previously thought… It appears that I have actual internet draw, as well. When I finally give up on actually meeting a mate face to face, on having actual human, flesh to flesh contact, I know now that I can snag one online. Whew. RELIEF!

Then again, it only said I was in the “top half.” That means I’m only better looking than half of the people out there? That’s not so great, you know? I mean, place me in a room with the Jersey Shore (oh, Pauly) or the cast of How I Met Your Mother and obvs I’m hotter than half of those freaks (not you, Jason Segel, you, I love. I love you.).

According to this email, I’m supposedly going to stop seeing those 45-plus, overweight, married but “single” guys popping up in my “you might like” or “quick match” or “quiver.” I honestly very rarely go on OkCupid. I would logon more often, ‘cause I like to sort of click around, but, you know, again, everyone’s like 20 or 50 and horny and ugly and in the mood to chat. So, thank the LORD that I’m going to be ridding myself of their hideousness. The freedom of privilege. Feels so good!

As you can see, the email asks me to see if my ugly friends received this. Well? Have you guys? Hahaha! No, you didn’t, ‘cause you’re ugly.

Thanks, OkCupid! You got me on your side for the moment. I just logged on and I saw muscles for the first time on the site. That’s right, uglies, MUSCLES. That’s what happens when you’re “good-looking” like me, you get to troll for dates online and rub it in everyone else’s face. Give it up for cyber dating and for being “good-looking.”

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Comment

I think what may have sealed the good-looking deal were those taco tits! HOT! Are those tacos? Nice. But seriously, congrats!

— Emily Sue · Jun 15, 08:50 PM · #

Hahaha! I was thinking the SAME THING. Taco tits are really hot. I know everyone be clickin’ up on Liz Tracy because I look like a slut and I’m proud of it.

EAT · Jun 15, 10:30 PM · #

What is “IRL”?

P.S. Not sure this is news to anyone, you are a handsome woman with excellent style.

Stephanie · Jun 16, 12:35 PM · #

I’d hit it, two times…i love tacos. Irl= in real life.

— bob hope · Jun 16, 01:25 PM · #

choked on my tea reading this.
as an ugly, haters gonna hate. im here to regulate!

nathan lam vuong · Jun 16, 05:06 PM · #

Who’s an ugly? You’re “good looking,” baby.
Also, you’re the reason I joined OkCupid. You’re my inspiration.

EAT · Jun 17, 12:21 AM · #

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